this is stupid ik and idk why recently I can’t stop thinking about it but I feel so sad about being alone, it’s the fact I’ve also never been on like a date or pursued by someone seriously, for context I’m f22. I’ve hu with people but never where it was like they want me for me yk? Sometimes I feel like the only way for connection or someone to want me is to use my body and get them to like me thru that but obviously that doesn’t work and it’s not what I want. I want to experience love lol and like be taken care of. I want to love someone and make them feel better/seen. I want them to want to be in my presence as much as I want theirs and like do thinks together and support each other. I feel like I’m also just an option that’s there for people and sometimes I feed into it bc I’m like wanting that attention sm but I always end up getting upset with myself for letting myself be treated as such. Ugh idk I just sometimes also don’t feel feminine enough that people would want me and feel like I’m cute and want to take care of me/ be around me. Ik I’m pretty funny and good at talking to people but I feel like I’m not viewed as a desirable person yk? I also believe and think I’m a good person that can be weird but kinda cute sometimes yk?! Ahah and I am random and talk about a bunch of things even tho I am a little boring sometimes. Lol anyways yeah I just really want companionship on a deeper level than just friends. I want to be held lol and hugged and kissed :(

Ps. It is most likely due to me being chubbier than probably most men would want which is fine but I’m like is that really the most important thing about whether I’m desirable but I also then think they might be embarrassed by me and sometimes I even feel bad for my friends to be with me bc I feel like I’m big and they might feel awkward being with me (I have self image issues obviously) ugh ik I probs could work on my confidence and I do lots of things alone and have fun by myself and stuff but to it would be nice to have someone like me back yk ahaha