This is going to be one of my longer posts but I need to get my feelings out. I have no one else to talk to about this.

Like the title says, I feel left behind. A few months ago my boyfriend left for basic training. He enlisted in the USMC, something he wanted to do for a long time, ever since we were in high school. Before he left we decided to break up. He told me that he needed to stay focused and didn’t want any distractions while he was working towards his goals. He knew he would be traveling a lot, constantly on deployments, field training, etc. plus on top of that he was going to be stationed in a different state than where we live now and he felt like it would get in the way of our relationship. I had no way of going with him even if he wanted me to which of course he didn’t. I have to stay here because I’m still in school, my job is here, what little family I have is here, etc. I was always understanding about this and I knew our relationship wouldn’t last forever but that’s not why I’m sad.

The thing is, he was the best thing that ever happened to me since I started college. He pushed me to be the best version of myself. We always went to the gym together, went on runs together, he used to meal prep for me and we would grocery shop with each other and made sure to eat healthy. He would recommend books and podcasts for me to read and I just remember being so motivated all the time, always pushing to do better because that’s the kind of example he set. I looked up to him a lot and he’s the reason I want to join the army to be a combat medic after I finish school. He taught me how to shoot, he helped me prep for EMT school, etc. He made me strong and confident in myself.

Since he left I haven’t been the same. He was my only friend. I’m lonely now. I don’t have the same drive that I used to because I don’t have him. I’ve gained almost 50 lbs in the past few months that he’s been gone, that’s how bad it is. I can barely get out of bed in the morning. I stopped working out, I stopped trying.

He came back today. He just finished basic training and he’s here for a week until he leaves for Camp Pendleton, then I’ll probably never see him again. He told me how great it was and how happy he was and I can’t help but feel left behind. He’s out here reaching his goals and I can’t even function properly on my own.

How do you learn to live for yourself and not other people? How do you not get left behind in life?