Or, maybe, I just didn't feel it until now.

I'll be 51 in a few days. I have no idea how I've gotten so old. I don't feel it really, and it surprises me.

I'm married. We've been together on and off since I was 17. We've been together this time for 11 years. We have 2 kids together, and kids from other relationships. We sleep in separate rooms, do everything separately. We're basically roommates. I don't like her very much, and sometimes I hate her, but we coexist pretty well. I can count the times we've been intimate over the past 10 years on one hand, and I prefer it that way. Both of us have had outside sexual relationships and, as long as it doesn't come home, we're both fine with it.

I hook up with strangers. I love going down on a woman, and will meet just for that. I get everything I need out of it, and usually so does the other party. If it goes well, we'll meet a few times before one of us moves on. I also have a FWB that I share all my encounter stories with, as she does with me. We occasionally have sex, but it's just that. Sex.

So I recently had a hook up. She answered a r4r post I had somewhere. I was kind of surprised, I don't get as many responses as I used to. I've noticed as my age goes up, my responses go down. Anyway, after some messaging, we decide to meet. She's nervous because she's never done this before, and I do my best to put her at ease. No penetration, we can stop at any time, I'll respect any boundaries given, and I'll actually be fully clothed the entire time. Anyway, it goes well, and we have a great time. We decide to meet again the next time she comes to town.

A couple of weeks later, just this past week, she came back and we met again. This time she doesn't have as many boundaries and is more comfortable. This time, she wants to touch me back. She kisses, sucks, and bites my nipples and chest, which drives me wild. I have full skin to skin contact with her while we're both exploring. We have a great time again. Afterwards, she has to do some shopping and asks if I would like to meet her there. We take separate cars, meet at the store, and talk and shop. When they don't have what she's looking for, I drive us both to another store where we continue to shop and talk.

OMG she intrigues me! I'm thoroughly enjoying her company, and I just want to wrap myself around her. I want to hold her in a completely nonsexual way. I want to cuddle and snuggle. I'm having a hard time not just casually touching her as we walk through the store. She finds what she needs, we check out, and I take her back to her car. We make plans to meet the next day and she heads home.

The next day doesn't go as planned. We do get together, but not for as long as we wanted. She had to head back to her actual home, which is a few hours away.

This is when I realized how lonely I have been. It's been so long since I've had a connection likep this. I have been completely touch starved without knowing it. She mentioned how much I responded to every touch she gave me.

I miss her, but more than that, I miss the feeling I had when we were walking around shopping. I miss the flirtation and the way she blushed if she caught me looking at her. I miss the damn near ecstasy I felt when she was touching me.

Now she's home. I don't know when or if I'll see her again. I can't believe that a trip to the store and a little attention can suddenly make you feel the weight of a decade loneliness, but apparently it can.