I (19M) have a problem...

Because I don't know how to talk to women, (or even approach them) I have resorted to sexting online. Some conversations were good, meanwhile post nut clarity revealed ones that made me feel like shit.

But one day, I decided to go on subreddits related to hookups, sneaky links, and meet upstairs. I tried meeting with a couple women through there, but was given the harsh reality of, "women like that don't exist" (at least not gorgeous ones that are in most of those posts)

In these attempts to meet these women, I have spent over 3 paychecks to pay for their time. And they stand me up and/ghost me.

Now, I know I'm an idiot for this. I was raised to be better than the piece of shit I am now, but I don't know how to stop. I get horny and I try, and I try, and I try to find women like that online... hoping maybe one will be real...

I know I'm pathetic, but how can I get out of this rut? My bank account gets lower and lower, and I'm not sure I could ever face my family at this point...