I changed my life drastically, dropping most of my "friends" aka people using me and ex girlfriends. I got married and bought a house with my wife, and made her my whole life. I gave her everything I could, did everything I could for her. Our first fight as a married couple spiraled out of control. She left and I have not seen her in 2 months. I have extremely limited contact with her, she will almost never reply to my messages. She said she was going to divorce me, but we are still married.

I went from happiest I have been, to suicidal, and keep bouncing between suicidal and hopeful. Now that my head has cleared and I think, hopefully, my mentality has stabilized, I am just so lonely and feeling lost. I am not trying to be with anyone else, she is not talking to any new guys. Our fight was just a misunderstanding and poor communication of how much we didn't want to lose each other. But she feels betrayed and has basically ghosted me and cut me out of her life. She was my best friend, and now I have no other friends. I have no emotional support.

I am struggling so hard with being lonely, and honestly wanting female companionship and someone to hug me and say it's okay. At this point I don't think either me or my wife would consider it cheating, and our relationship is "over". At the same time though, I love and only want to be with my wife. I truly believe if I can just sit in solitude and not start a relationship for the next few months, not try to really talk to her, not try to fix the relationship, then she will forgive me, reach the same conclusion and take me back... But that means months of solitude with no friends just constant depression and loneliness. I really don't know what to do.