Lately I have been grieving my dad's death and just realize that part of the reason I try to fill the void left on me is that I thought me splinting my soul would keep me going until I found a greater meaning (relationships/calling) , but that day barely came if it came at all. So this whole new values thing, how the fuck does it work? I feel like the promise that lifted me out of the pit never came (promise of tomorrow) and it feels like tomorrow just got worse, despite trying to cheer my life up. I joke about Zarathustra's Bastard Child as that (Thus Spoke Zarathustra) was the only thing that kept me going. But lately with the economy this hope for a brighter future has kinda fades. Add in sucky dating circumstances and I just feel like shit. Sorry for the rambling, but my headspace kind of sucks now.