About a year ago my life began its rapid decline. I was with my now ex wife we just recently moved into an apartment together. Things were going good and then one day I got out of my shower and received a text on my phone. The text was from a work buddy “Hey man I think your parents house is on fire there is a lot of smoke coming from it.” I hurried to get ready because my parents had just recently went on vacation. My older sister was living there at the time. She has 4 kids and isn’t the most responsible. So I race over the rim about 3 minutes away. I show up and sure enough the whole back side of the house is on fire. I run up to my sister who is laying in the grass crying and screaming and ask her what happened, but there was no answer. I asked her where are the kids no answer. That’s when I started walking toward the back of the house where I see 3 paramedics giving my 8 year old niece chest compressions. Stupidly I started walking towards them and I when I got close I could see that her skin was melted she was 85% burned what I had found out from the doctor later. Her skin was black and she did not look like the little girl I had helped raise and played with. My sister’s 2 youngest boys had been with my sister because she had left the older two home alone. My niece was sleeping when she left and her brother who is 5 was awake downstairs. The three boys are ok. Fast forward a couple weeks my wife says she is pregnant I was overjoyed. Then my uncle died a couple days later from cancer. Then 1 month later my great grandmother dies. Another month goes by another family member dies. At this point I’m just so devastated but I tried to keep my head up. Half way through the pregnancy we was struggling financially. So I left to the army to try and give us a better life, but my wife started blowing all the money and then said she was having a medical emergency with the pregnancy and had a Red Cross letter sent. I talked to my drill sergeant and he said if I left I could only be gone for 14 days, but this emergency was gonna take longer than that to handle. So I discharged out of the army. After about 3 weeks I was able to get sent home. When I got home she was acting like nothing even happened. She had managed to somehow fake most of it and I was pretty upset but forgave her and went back to working I started bouncing job to job trying to find something good. Fast forward to the birth of my son. I was allowed to deliver my son got to pull him out and cut the cord all of it. It was the happiest I’ve ever been in my life, but I could kind of tell he didn’t look like me and a couple days later she tells me that she needs to confess something. “I have been cheating on you for a while now and he may not be yours.” I asked her who the other father was and she said there is 4 other guys. One is my friend’s brother. The next a cop that was at the fire scene. And the two others were random. Once again my whole world is crushed but I tried my best to forgive her because I’m an idiot. But then I caught her again talking to these guys a month later. I told her I wanted a divorce and she ran away with my son. I am still waiting on the paternity test and she blocked me and won’t let me see him and her Facebook says in a relationship with the other guy.

I just feel so broken because he was my little buddy he kept me going and staying happy and now he’s gone and probably will never get to see him again because I don’t think he is mine I just don’t know what to do anymore I sit in my house contemplating life and having flashbacks to the fire scene. None of my friends live close to me anymore and I’m just so alone now.

I just don’t want to live anymore honestly and I’m at peace with the thought of it.