Warning, NSFW for those that don't want to read about that

So, I'm a 22M from the East Coast. I've been in two relationships that were both abusive and horrible in so many ways. Even though I felt I was at war with the world on the inside, I was confident about just experiencing things in relationships and going with the flow, and I was/am VERY good at creating the right (good) tension, making people feel good and have butterflies, and I KNOW that I will still be that way in the future but...

somehow I have been SO anxious about it recently anyway. I'm afraid that I won't connect with a partner the same way in the future. I'm afraid that I'll be abused again. I'm afraid of a lot of things along those lines and I don't know what to do about it. And I'm overall just anxious and lonely because of it all

A large thing I'm afraid of has to do with sex, but my feelings are far from being all about sex. For the sake of clarity and discussion, I've been with three people, but only PIV with one. The first was really good at everything she tried, but we didn't do much, the second was the one I actually slept with and she was HORRIBLE at everything she tried, and the third was somehow even worse, although I don't even know how that's possible. I'm really afraid of having a horrible sex life in the future because of my experiences so far, not only because I was actually treated horribly by them all sexually (completely separate from them being bad at it), but also because for the most part it didn't feel good for me at all. It makes me feel uneasy about having to experience all those firsts with a new person again, but it makes me even more uneasy to think about it being just as bad or worse than before

Idk, maybe I just wanted to vent, maybe I hoped to find people who are in the same situation, either M or F, or maybe I'm just yelling into the void, but I really hope I could at least discuss it a little bit with someone in the same boat