I’m bipolar as you may have guessed by my name. I’ve got friends but I haven’t made any new ones really since highschool and as friends do they drift apart as their lives go in different directions. Three of my friends are married, one of them just had a kid. Two of them no longer live in the same state as me. Only one of my close friends really seems to have much time to spend around me anymore and frankly they have a lot of problems of their own.

My disorder combined with some other factors has made it really hard for me to move forward with my life. I can’t drive a car, I don’t live in a place with public transport, I haven’t been able to hold down a job basically since covid. I feel like I’m standing still and the world is moving on around me.

Lots of people have suggested I try to get a relationship of my own. I’ve struggled dating in the past and it’s not that I don’t want a relationship, but frankly I’m hesitant for a variety of reasons. I’m just tired of feeling like no one has time for me. I’m tired of feeling like a burden, or worse like people only spend time with me out of pity. Some of this is probably my own depression talking, but it’s hard for me to think anyone cares about me when I struggle to care about myself. I just have this constant creeping sense of loneliness. As time goes on it gets stronger and I’m getting more and more afraid that it will never go away. I can distract myself at times and there’s brief moments of happiness when I actually do get to spend time with friends, but it always comes back the moment I’m by myself.