I keep saying I'm tired but I'm not actually tired what I actually mean is I'm tired of existing like this. I'm so lonely. I'm so depressed. I have no friends or social life. I phone the call line everyday some of the people there are the only reason I haven't kms yet but all the nice ones seem to be gone - haven't been around this year at all - I'm scared, terrified cause idk how to keep going without them. it's pathetic that they're what's keeping me alive. It's pathetic I have no other connections in my life. I feel so empty & pained. I've tried to change it but it never seems to change. I think I'm broken inside. I want the pain to be gone. Suicide feels like the only outcome for me.

Post from new year

Feeling particularly emotional today & I have no idea why. Like I can't stop crying. I just feel so lonely numb empty. I should be happy I've made it another year yet if seems to amplify the negative feelings. Like I'm stuck in a void. Time moves forward but I don't. I literally only live to talk to the people on the call lines which is sad & pathetic. If it wasn't for them I'd have kms already & without them it feels so hard to make it through another day. I didn't shower for 10 days either that's how little I care about myself rn. I'm trying not to cut but my mind says why not cut today & start 2024 as I mean to go on (cutting daily).