So I’m damn near 18 and lately I’ve been getting a lot of talk from people in my life to finally get a girlfriend and start asking some girls out, stuff like that. Mostly insults from friends, even though they are jokes they still kind of hurt, because it’s pointing out that I’ve never had a girlfriend or really talked to much girls ( I haven’t done sexual stuff, kissing or anything intimate) so it’s been getting to my head.

Anyways, I was at a friends party it was good I guess, more of a small hang out. There’s this girl in our friend group who said to my friend who’s already 18 if he’s “an adult virgin” as she laughed. It was kind of awkward and he gave a sort of “uh yeah” response. She just seemed so mean spirited and it was really rude how she laughed. So I kind just left that conversation and talked to some other people. She was like “how? Oh my gosh that’s so weird” or something like that. Then she talked to one of the more attractive guys afterwards which really makes it hurt more, at least in my opinion.

It just feels like I’ve done something wrong when I’ve literally been trying my best to talk to not only girls but as many people that I could. I really put in effort to get to know people, I’ve been nice, tried to be funny, I take care of my hygiene, I’ve been working out a bit, I style my hair stuff like that, I’ve put more effort into how I look and dress. Nothing. No amount of superficial advice has worked. I’ve done what society deems as right or correct and nothing.

I’m not sure what my main point is but damn I’m sad and lonely, it takes a toll on you. I’d just like to let off some steam if that’s okay.

One of my other friends who was saying the jokes about me being a virgin and stuff said I had potential and that he had girls say they thought I was hot, he didn’t tell me who when I asked which makes me feel like he just said that so I felt better. He said I need to put more effort and I’ll find someone, and it’s not hard cos he’s already had multiple girlfriends and stuff.

He was going to say something about me, I couldn’t tell if it was nice or mean, but he stopped himself and said “whatever don’t worry bro”. He kinda started his sentence like “you know we were talking about you and you need to realise…” (stops talking) or like “you know you….”

I don’t know man I just feel like shit for not having had these experiences, and no I won’t use dating apps when I’m 18. I’m glad I had friends to hang out with cos they are super cool and I enjoy spending time with them and I made some new friends last year (2023) and I’ve gotten close to some people.

The last few new years were spent at home alone playing Mario Kart 8 deluxe until 1am. I’d watch the fireworks in the TV and see all these handsome and pretty people having the time of their life, say goodnight to my family (if they were home, usually not) and play Mario kart while thinking about the past year and how lonely I am/ was. So I can say I’ve improved, but even with friends they are pointing out and making me feel worse and more alone if that makes sense.