I'm in a state where all my friends are finding new partners and I'm struggling with comparisons, feeling left out, and insecure about this situation.

Context, I broke up w an abusive ex early last year, so I really took the time to be alone and I really enjoyed being single and the alone time. Then recently, I wanted to put myself out there. I met someone who was genuinely kind and the complete opposite of my ex. It was a breath of fresh air coming from an abusive relationship that someone can actually be kind and nonjudgmental. Before meeting this person, I was trying to get over my fear of men due to emotional abuse from my ex. However the new guy was fully supportive and patient after informing him about my past.

Things went well between me and this person because our interests matched, the chemistry is good, we had similar goals and world views. Then when we were about to meet IRL (which was already delayed because he was in a month long business trip) he changed his mind and said he wasn't ready for what we originally wanted.. he emphasized there was nothing wrong w what i did or said, he said it's due to personal issues. I was upset because i patiently waited but I let it go and wished him well about his personal issues. that's the last time we talked.

Now, I'm struggling to move on.. I couldn't understand why I'm so heartbroken over this guy who wasnt even my bf. I hated how I needed to recover from a breakup w my ex and now that i fully bounced back Im broken again because they were kind. It would have been easier if this situationship was a bad experience but he was kind and reassuring til the end and it upsets me that I only experienced this now and not it a relationship context.

I'm trying to move on and talk to new potential dates but it's hard bc i feel like I'm looking for him in other people.

what makes this situatuon lonelier is that i cant be with other friends gushing about their successful dates because it makes me sad that I cant have the same successes as them. Their happy stories fuels my negative thought pattern that I can never find a kind, supportive and nonjudgmental guy again like the situationship I had.

Ive been so lonely since then.. and I dont understand why this heartbreak hurts this much when we werent even together so crying over this felt pathetic to me because it was never real.. My friends told me to cry it out but it makes me guilty because my situation isn't as real as their actual dates.

TLDR I feel like i can't find the same person anymore, i'm scared that i will never find someone I like who is as kind, supportive and funny as him again. I'm scared that the best I can do is an abusive ex and that kind men like the situationship is proof that I'm undeserving of a healthy and safe relationship.