I say that I want companionship and I long for it, but I'm just so antisocial and have really bad trouble talking to people, i mean i also just dont really like people in general. The only place I even talk to anyone is at work, and it is very little and only when I have to. I feel like I don't even deserve companionship anyway since I don't have anything interesting about me or anything to offer someone. Any time I see a good relationship on TV or something I just get sad that I'm all alone and the only thing really standing in my way is myself. But I also know I'm probably not gonna do anything about it anyway, just a never ending cycle. I don't do anything or go anywhere anyway so there is no way to even meet someone, besides dating apps which I can't do. I've tried but I'm so self conscious and nervous that I can't do it. And now in a world filled with mainly online contact it makes it even harder. I just keep hoping that my fantasy of a dream girl will just magically pop up at my house for me. Like that would ever happen.