I don’t know if I believe that there is really anyone for me anymore. I want to, but belief in it in itself, and being told that there will be someone one day just isn’t enough. Not when you’re 47 and haven’t even had your first ever date yet. Haven’t had your first kiss yet. Haven’t even held hands with anyone. Ever. I am the sole full time carer for my blind and physically disabled mother, so don’t get to go out much apart from errands and appointments. Going out at night, or travelling any distance just isn’t possible. There is no family nearby, and aged care services only provide 1 hour a week of respite. I have tried to find groups to go to but there just isn’t any in my area that are of my interests and my age group. Everything is for senior citizens or young families. Even the meetup app is useless in my area. Moving is not a financial option. I don’t have any friends. Never have had any. So there isn’t anyone to go out with, nobody who will introduce me to anyone, don’t even have any online friends to chat with. The dating apps just don’t seem to work for me, only ever get scammers or bots.

I’m out of ideas. I don’t want to go through life alone, with affection and intimacy, only ever being told to pay for it and being the butt of jokes. That’s when I am noticed. Most of the time I seem to be invisible. I’ve had pets in the past, and they don’t provide human contact. I’m not and never will be religious, so please respect that.