I know, title is super pathetic. It's all self explanatory, but I just figured I'd rant and write about my never ending loneliness.

I have major depression and social issues. Worst combination when you're trying to make friends. I enjoy being social when I can be. I'm not adverse to talking, but I get nervous. Scared. All of the fucking above and then at the end of the day, I end up pathetically alone once again.

It's difficult to see others doing it so flawlessly and I seem like I'm doing something wrong. Why is it so hard for me to talk to anyone? Make friends? Push myself out there?

I'm starting to accept the fact that, despite everything I've done so far to do my best, I just won't have the ability to make friends, relationships, etc. I know. Fucking pathetic, isn't it? Sure, whatever. I give up. I don't know what else to do.

I don't want to be alone, but i just can't do anything to help myself. I try to reach out as much as I can to anyone, but it's like I'm being pushed back into a hole and no one fucking cares. So, why should I fucking care?

I know I should feel sad. I should be crying. But truth is, I can't even will myself to have some sort of emotion. Even sadness feels beyond me. I feel empty. Resigned. Accepting. I don't want to exist anymore. It's not like anyone would miss me. I'm basically wallpaper. Basic fucking wallpaper.