I truly feel that I am not supposed to ever be with someone. I've been working on myself alot recently and trying to be better, getting some more confidence and becoming more happy with myself. I feel as if I'm getting there, I'm alot more happy than I was a year ago but is difficult asf. Although I'm good most of the time there are times like tonight I feel defeated.

The main thing holding me back is that I don't trust people and am very reserved with my emotions, Its all contained in like a fizzy drink that's been shook over and over again when I try to open a small bit and end up shooting too much out at once.

I don't talk to anyone about myself and just ask people about them all the time because I can't just have someone know about Mr. I feel completely broken. I kind of seen a counsellor which helped me with suicidal stuff and helping me find my sexuality but it's just impossible to open up, I get this feeling in my chest of my heart being drowned if I even think about doing it.

I think because I am an emotional mess i can't be in a relationship that has emotions which is all of em XD

It's whatever anyway, sure I'll wake up tomorrow morning, feel fine for a couple days and then go through it again. Haha XD