Don't hit me up asking how im doing anymore i won't respond i don't hide how im feeling im very open about it im so tired of explaining what can be found on my fuckin page you want to know how i am how im doing how im feeling go look at my post don't ask me i dont have it in me anymore im lost im broken im hurt and im lonely i have thoughts n feeling i have to bottle up because either their my own dumb ass fault or nobody could understand or im simply not allowed to talk about it because it doesn't just have to do with me i can't talk about trauma because its not my story alone i can't talk about my heart breaking because it not my story alone i can't live happily because someone is going to get mad at me for something and rather than talking to me every just goes straight for my throat from the get go and i can't even blame anyone but my fuckin self because this stupid fuckin brain of mine won't let me fuckin function like a normal human being i have to fuck everything up because i can't fuckin think straight im trapped in my own anguish and i have nobody who can help me out of it and it's all my fuckin fault so stop asking me if I'm ok I'm fucking not ok i haven't been okay for quite some time just because im working that makes me ok? no i fake a smile like i have been my whole life you know why i look back so much because throughout the years its only gotten harder to fake even when i think im finally getting better im finally feeling better than i have these moments where i reach out cause i feel it coming and to no ones fault but my own no one is ever there its like if i was really ready to have a lead meal and i reached out to someone to stop me i don't believe anyone would answer depression don't got a schedule but people do and its not their fault its mine for believing they aren't there because in my mind when it comes to that day when i have nothing left and i scream and beg for help i won't receive so ill fill up yet another bottle