I've been single for twelve years. In that time I have setup online dating accounts on OK Cupid, Bumble, Tinder, Facebook Dating, Plenty of Fish and Hinge, all to no avail. The only woman I found that I was attracted to was back in the summer of 2012 and that ended after a couple of months. Ever since then I have only matched with women that I wasn't attracted to, three of which I actually met in person. And that was years ago. Lately I have taken to the Glenn Quagmire approach to online dating- swiping right on every single profile without even reading their descriptions. But where we differ is that I un-match every single woman that I'm not attracted to and, unfortunately, that's EVERY. SINGLE. MATCH. And I have crippling social anxiety, which has always made it impossible for me to ask a woman out in public. So if online dating truly is a bust, then I am completely out of options.

It just feels utterly hopeless. I know that a huge contributor to my non-existent love life is the fact that I want to remain child-free for life. But another big part of it is that I'm a 39 year old, 260 pound guy who looks absolutely wretched in almost every regard. It makes me want to throw in the towel and just accept that I'm going to live and die alone. I would have ended my life years ago if it weren't for the fact that my mom is still alive and she would be absolutely devastated. So yeah.... here's to ten, twenty, thirty years (or more) of loneliness. Oh. Joy.