During my sophomore year of high school, my long-term girlfriend tried to get me charged with sexual assault. I was putting so much love and faith in her arms just for her to break it all off like that. I was a complete mess when that happened. I tried to overdose thinking that nothing would matter. Luckily I puked it out and my mom found me the next morning and brought me to a mental hospital. Being bedridden I was thinking about how upset that I didn't just die. When I started to move around again my mom got off of work to see me in the hospital and she was sobbing. I had an out-of-body experience at that moment. Everything I was just willing to give away to escape a problem that could and was fixed. My mom was telling me that seeing me walk up to her reminded her a lot of my dad when he was in jail walking up to see her. Although it was two different scenarios my dad was in jail, not even three blocks away from where I was located. After I got out I still wasn't great mentally I went to hang out with my dad when he got out of jail. We were drinking around a fire and he was just talking to himself. Asking what was on his mind he told me I was an idiot. I didn't know what to say I just gave him a confused look. He walked over to me got in my face and said. "You cannot die before I do you are supposed to bury me not the other way around. *enter first and middle name*, I don't know what I would do if I had to bury you".

After that moment the next couple weeks were a blur. I remember sleeping at my mom's and she came into my room crying her eyes out telling me that my Grandma died. I just felt empty I didn't cry, I was like a deer in headlights. Even at her funeral, I didn't cry it just went by so fast. I cried for the first time after that when I went to her gravestone just seeing her gone broke me. Not having a car I had to walk there and on the way back I crossed a bridge. Thinking that she was gone and I could be with her again if I just jumped. When I was about to I heard a voice. I stopped what I was doing and looked around and no one was there. I heard the voice again just saying "Go home". By the time I got home, I was just balling realizing it was my grandma's voice. Also having that memory of what my dad said to me I collapsed.

That was all in a matter of a month. I'm 18 now and life has gotten better. Realize the people around you care for you. If you have this battle within you, you can't move on until you realize that it is you. Everything that happens is what makes you, YOU. You have to accept what happened embrace it and learn. If you feel trapped about what others say or do don't let them write your book. You're the author. You are loved and can be. What you put into the world you get out of it. If you are feeling trapped and need wisdom listen to the Profound Pondering on youtube he is great at self-realization.