I went into a really bad subdrop the other night as I was trying to get and stay in littlespace. I thought I was ok but i got to a point where I couldn’t stop crying and started hyperventilating. It took me hours to calm down, even my favorite little things didn’t soothe me. I am lost and broken. I am so painfully alone. Being in littlespace has stopped feeling safe and fun. I can’t do by myself. I envy those of you who are able to and I envy those of you with caregivers.

My heart can’t take this. Every time I feel little and go into littlespace it just hurts more and more. It’s unbearable now. This part of me is disappearing.

I’ve made a few attempts to find a new caregiver after my previous one ghosted me, but my needs don’t get met or my boundaries ignored. I ideally want a daddy who can be physically there for me, hold me, tuck me in. I know I am sad and pathetic.

I’ve tried faking it until you make it but it’s only killing me from the inside. I am just completely broken.