I don't really know where else to turn, I just have to get my emotions out somewhere where maybe someone will understand. and please don't say just leave. I know. obviously, I would if I had the support or means to do so.

I started a ddlg relationship 7 yrs ago, moved in a year into the relationship. unbeknownst to me, he had never had a little before. he was very much focused on the sexual side of things; any of the nurturing, caring sfw side always seemed to exasperate him after I moved in with him. let's just say, things have not been healthy for the entirety of the relationship since I've moved states and moved in with him. basically, I ended up entirely stopping all littlespace activities and pushed away the headspace altogether for 5 years.

well, the last few months I started getting into the headspace for the first time in forever and actually getting into the community online for the first time. he has not been supportive. I haven't called him Daddy in years. I know I need to leave but I'm unable to work due to health issues exacerbated by his treatment of me. then, I just got assaulted at a private party over the weekend and it was my bday party my bday was on monday. processing it has been hard, I've been crying so much. he has barely talked to me except to yell at me. he begrudgingly made me a box cake the day after my bday, but left tons of pans and things strewn out all over the kitchen. presumably for me to handle.

it feels like he doesn't care and worse. he's literally bullied me about being a little a few times, called me a crybaby in an argument, stuff like that. I know I should leave, I want to leave, but I have no sustainable way to and I feel trapped. I guess all I'm looking for by posting is just some kind words or support or something :[