We met on Reddit… On personals. And I said from the start I needed littlespace every night. I have so much going on emotionally and I’m constantly overthinking. Littlespace is the only time I feel like I can actually not think about anything except being present. I don’t worry about anything cos someone else is taking care of me. And taking care of all my worries.

He told me he’d be okay with doing it with me every night. I was so excited when I met him. Everything just seemed so perfect. He seemed so perfect. But now we haven’t done proper littlespace since we moved in together. We haven’t really done proper littlespace to begin with. Maybe 3 times total… He said it’s cause he just has so many things going on that he can’t get in the headspace. Which is understandable but I can’t get deep into it alone. Tonight I tried my best.

I went to try littlespace, alone on the couch. I played little games… watched bluey and cuddled with my stuffies. I even put on a onesie. I got into it… but I can’t get as deep into it as with a daddy. Even just saying “daddy” makes me feel deeper in littlespace. I asked him before I went to try, to just leave me alone if I fall asleep. Cause usually if I wake up at night I’m already in littlespace…

And he always talks to me about big things and stuff so I wouldn’t be able to stay in it. And I REALLY needed littlespace tonight. And I needed to be deep. I had such a stressful day today. I really needed it. And I didn’t even ask him tonight to be my daddy and look after me. I just asked him not to wake me up and not to talk to me about big things:(

Then he came and gave me a goodnight kiss… after I was asleep. And it woke me up. And then I was able to be in littlespace for a few minutes cause he was being so sweet to me. And stroking my hair. And giving me kisses and everything. And then I said I’d come get in bed with him and then it ended there… I had to lock up the hallway gate and 2 bedroom doors cos he was already in bed. So it just felt like I had all my responsibilities right back. It’s such a small thing, but it took me out of the headspace almost immediately.

I started getting upset. And I couldn’t stop thinking about how alone I felt. I feel this way every night. I live with him, yet I’ve never felt more alone. I asked him why he didn’t wanna do littlespace with me anymore, and that’s when he told me about not being in the headspace for it. So it’s fine. I understand. But I started crying still. I can’t help it. It feels like I can’t be myself. He hasn’t been in the right headspace for like 80% of our relationship. Sometimes he reads to me. But he doesn’t interact with little me. Most I get is 10 minutes of littlespace a night and that’s not enough time. I can’t even get into littlespace in 10 min.

He got angry that I was crying. He said he needs to sleep and he can’t do it with me crying right next to him cos it’s making him feel bad. And then he said he shouldn’t have given me the goodnight kiss, he should’ve just left me to sleep. And then he said he was gonna go sleep on the couch… i asked him not to… probably around 3 times. More most likely. And he said no. And I asked him why he doesn’t just stay and then he said “cause I don’t want to”.

This is the longest I’ve gone without littlespace in 5 years. I can’t be without it for this long. I literally feel like I can’t be myself anymore. If im not crying about it , im thinking about it. It’s literally consuming me. I think about it all day long. Whether he’s going to do littlespace with me that night. The answer is always the same though. I even brought up the idea before of a platonic cg…. Having a daddy take care of me online. But he doesn’t want me talking to other boys so I really don’t know what to do anymore. I like being little:(