I bought a new laptop, wiped Windows and installed Linux Mint. I'm trying to connect to the internet but wireless sources do not appear and it doesn't have an ethernet port to initialize setup.

I read that I need to install a Wi-Fi driver such as bcmwl-kernel-source, but that package requires another package, and that package requires another package, and that package requires two more packages. I've been abusing the hell out of my new USB ports just going between computers to Google whatever random-ass packages this thing wants to run this driver, but I'm at the point where it wants me to install libcrypt1, but it "conflicts" in some mysterious and unexplained way with libpam0g which I obviously can't uninstall because apparently a huge chunk of essential packages require it for managing the system's user accounts.

So after managing to install a dozen deb libraries I'm kinda stuck.

I just want to use Wi-Fi. What can I do?

EDIT: I have nothing essential on this computer, it is a completely fresh install.