I recently met up with a friend that I've been messaging for over 8 months, for the first time. We went to a bar for karaoke, and had such a great time. His humor matched mine perfectly, and we had at least 3 inside jokes by the end of the night. We also had really deep discussions until 4am, ones that I could never have with most people. He was also such a gentleman and respectful, knowing I am engaged.

I've never been so scared to lose a friend so much in my entire life, even ones I wanted a romantic connection with. I have no sexual or romantic feelings with this friend though. I just can't stop thinking about the entire situation, and it's like I'm obsessed with knowing what he's thinking or what he's doing. I'm also worried about losing him if he falls in love with me or gets a girlfriend that won't let him stay friends with me. Our connection feels like such a close best friendship, and he's one of the few people I've met that can understand me. I set up this social interaction trying to help my mental state from deteriorating from minimal human contact, and now I am feeling frustrated at myself.

Typically in social settings, I have rumination OCD regarding any social interactions I have. This has occurred for the last few years. I've been unintentionally isolated, living in a new place, not knowing anyone except my partner really. These things really exacerbated the issue because I used to be social and outgoing with no issues. I feel like I've gone mad, like a caged animal in a zoo.

I've been really working on myself lately through TRE (trauma release exercises), and sometimes symptoms can be heightened before getting better. I did not realize that an extremely positive event would trigger this limerance, but I am a highly sensitive soul.

Any advice on how to go about this situation is appreciated, or even just sharing your own similar personal story.