I've been through hell and back with my LOs, no way was any of it worth it. But I've finally arrived at a place I never thought I would with both of them. We all have partners, that's why there was uncertainty that allowed limerence to grow with both of them. I knew it was reciprocated in some way, but I couldn't understand how. Now my life is back on track with a new job, the limerence has faded, and I'm entering maintenance phase, like an alcoholic in recovery. After six years of holding back, trying to hide my limerence from them, laying waste to my marriage, to my family, I have finally found balance.

Last week I met LO2 in a zoom call, we talked about work, and raising our kids. Yesterday I had drinks with LO1 and we talked about work and had a deep discussion about racism, sexism, all the isms. At no point in either interaction was there innuendo on anyone's part. I wasn't trying to read subtext into anything they said. Sure I showed up looking nice, makeup, but I do that with everyone.

We just met, enjoyed each other's company, discussed meeting again in a few months, and then went on our way. I never thought I could have a nice, quiet friendship with either man.

I never went NC with either one, though sometimes I regret that. I've written volumes, have plenty of unsent messages and a million photos stored up. But I managed to keep them from knowing how psycho the limerence made me, and now I don't feel the fire of the addiction, the dopamine hit, when I talk to them. I just feel mutual respect and it feels nice.