Looking back, i’ve been in limerence all my life with many people. My crushes were always long, exhausting and taking way more space in my life than they should have.

For example, I used to have a crush on a dude I met online when I was 18, and I was thinking about him for more than 3 years. He would become the center of my life. Even though we met just once in all those years.

When I had to move for work I could pick a location my company offered and I took the one closest to him, even though we were not even dating or even seeing each other. Back then I thought it was normal and that I am just madly in love. Well, obviously it was limerence all along.

I always knew that there was something wrong with me. I always knew I carried wounds from my mother’s abuse and dad’s partial neglect. I always knew I had an anxious attachment style (at least the last couple of years). But I never realized how limerence always takes over my life without me being able to do anything.

Fast forward to today. I am 22 and I got out of a pretty bad ending relationship 5 months ago. I decided to go back on Tinder some weeks ago. I met a dude who I had a pretty good connection with. Of course the obsession already started when we were just texting. We met some days later, had a super good connection in real life as well and the evening ended with us having sex. We talked a lot and cuddled, then I went back home in the morning.

Now you might wonder “Okay, and how did you realize you’ve had limerence all along in this moment?”. Well: I exactly recall the moment when we were finished with the deed and I cuddled my head on his chest. My exact thoughts were “Damn, I like this dude a lot but I would actually prefer just being friends. I don’t feel like I want a future with him”.

For someone without a limerence problem the situation would’ve been clear after that: Friends or friends with benefits. They would probably communicate that and even more important: feel and think it. I did for this brief second.

But as soon as I got home, the obsession started again. I would think about him all day (as I do now). I would fantasize about a perfect future with him, about moments we will have when we see each other again. I would have all those feelings of: I need to be with him, he is the only light of my future. My limerence was taking me over, with an LO I even knew I didn’t want to spend my life with.

But of course my brain convinced itself that he is my savior and when I get together with him, everything would be fairlytale like and perfect.

And the worst thing you guys probably also feel: He is great, but I am using him for my fantasies. I am dreaming about him giving me attention and all the little moments where he would give me attention and love. Of all the ways I would profit off our relationship if we ever had one. Never about him as person.

It’s not about him. It was never about them. It was always about my inner child. It was always about the wounds inside of me. And I am thankful I now realized that.

If anybody read that: Thank you for taking the time to take in my little rant. Good luck and cheers.