I have been limerent the moment I stepped out of my home. Trying to look for the bleakest form of affection which somehow felt unknown. If anyone gives me some attention and love, that's overwhelmingly good and I get attached to them. I feel into limerence in my first year of undergrad that lasted about 4 or 5 years. At the end, I ended up with fits of anxiety attacks not really knowing what to expect or where to look for relief. I somehow got over it, but I still had feelings of resentment.

I fell into limerence again after about 4 years, and this time I sincerely thought we liked each other, we also had several intimate moments. But, both of us weren't really in the state to yet be in a healthy relationship I guess. This time again, I went back to my activating strategies being extremely insecure and trying to spend every moment of time with my dearest friend and LO. I did cause more damage, and my LO was also emotionally extremely sensitive, which made things worse.

I hit my lowest of lows when I was guilty about the damage done, and wasn't really sure how to deal with my own loss of self. I hit therapy and a psychiatrist to get some meds and, also try and get a diagnosis on my suspicions about having ADHD. Therapy helped me a lot to learn about my own triggers, and how to manage them. It helped with my anxiety a little bit, and also relate it to my childhood. The most significant turn was still my ADHD meds.

I started on Adderall last week, and from the very first day I saw a huge change. I am now able to focus on my work, able to manage my emotions a lot better and also regulate my emotions a lot better. I never felt that I could let the thoughts in my head rest even for a few minutes, and the only relief in the past was my emotional attachment to someone. But, that's a huge burden to put on anyone. We can't ask the other person to manage our emotions, and also we can't be so attached that their emotional state affects ours every single hour of every day.

In the last couple of months, I have learned a lot. Most importantly, I was able to face what I was trying to escape through my limerence, which was my own self. And the ADHD meds really helped me to get a grip on my nerves and emotions, which I thought would take years. I read that undiagnosed ADHD can cause so much trouble with regards to emotional regulation and relationships as adults. Maybe that's what happened with me, still figuring it all out. The bottom line, we need to figure ourselves out. Please try and fall into the pit that you're trying to escape from limerence. Because that pit is exactly what needs healing. It can be an undiagnosed problem, trauma and/or anything else. You deserve all the healing, and hopefully with that healing we will stop hurting our loved ones as well.