vent post

been NC since early June and it’s been 5 weeks now. today, i was sitting with friends but in the back of my mind was kinda waiting around to see her come into the cafe for lunch but stepped away for a bit. when i came back i saw her and my heart started pounding very hard i was panicking.

she was scrolling on her phone and didn’t notice me. normally i would’ve said hello just to see her face and smile but i just walked past her without disrupting her focus. I wouldn’t have wanted her to start small talk like “how are you?” etc etc. and she was looking hard at her phone ….probably busy

it wasn’t easy to not speak to her. i literally think about her all the time. but i’m trying to put an end to this. I hate how we work in the same wing of our building. I hate how she has to come to my floor of the wing to get to the cafeteria. I hate seeing her randomly and getting tachycardia. i hate how we live in the same neighborhood and i pass her house everyday otw to work. i never want to see her or speak to her again but we will have an assignment together in the spring …fml