I prefer this group to many of the other Facebook / Meta and other social media forums out there - where I find there's a lot of people "pitching" you on their service. . .some quite cheesy like how to get a ton of clients in 30 days or less or how to make $10,000 a month in 60 days or less or whatever ...there's certainly some of that going on here as well but to a lesser extent.

I would be curious to see the extent these sales tactics work...my guess is that they must garner some business otherwise people would stop doing them and perhaps it works for a tiny few...probably appeals to the desire to get rich quick / take shortcuts. Nothing wrong with this. . .there was a point in my life where I went for these pitches and I imagine the formula works for some as well.

Years ago I worked for about 3 months for a times share sales company. They gave us a cheesy script to follow promising the world. . .it was hard to follow with a straight face and I felt totally out of integrity selling the stuff but if we followed the cheesy script, it worked. If I tried to do my own thing and be reasonable and open, it didn't. Similarly, I partnered with a company that used to produce and promote events for people like Deepak Chopra, others big names in personal development and investors. What was really interesting is that the Deepak Chopra was a tough sell at $40 a ticket but some unknown real estate investor giving a talk promising the moon how you could get rich quick would sell out at $1000 a ticket. . . really interesting to see. . .

I find this group has some people really looking for answers at the same time who are tired of the sales pitches.

I notice how so many say they have the answer or the formula....I confess I used to do that as well...and i would say "I have the answers for you" or "i can fix your health problem" (when I was working mainly as a health consultant) - and it drove this fear or concern in me to having to have my life "look perfect", like I had to have all the answers, and that I had to have it altogether (concerned that people might discover that this wasn't the case) - and I found it to be exhausting having to keep up this image.

I want to go a different direction here by saying - I don't have and I don't know the answers for anyone...I also don't have my life altogether and some of it is messy...and yes...I am a coach and I still work with lots of clients...that's right...

Sure, I have a great life, and many would say I have a lot of pieces worked out but I also look at my life and see the areas where I am still asleep at the wheel and blind ...and still putting my life together and also openly talk about those areas and actively working them out and gaining awareness.

That is also what makes me valuable and safe as a coach, because it's real...and the value I provide is not in what I know or my wisdom or having all the answers but rather in my ability to listen, be real and vulnerable, and love someone else unconditionally. Also - helping people discover what's "right" about the areas of life they are embarrassed or ashamed about so they don't have to spend their lives hiding these aspects or carrying them around like a boat anchor.

The Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn image of the coach with the picture perfect life, perfect relationship, perfect website, life altogether around money and business is not real...it often covers up another reality someone might not want you to see...but it is possible that is what a lot of people want at the same time...to believe in the illusion of the dream (rather than seeing that there is more than one side to every story).

I knew people who worked directly with people like Tony Robbins, Werner Erhard (the guy who started EST which became Landmark Education which a large percentage of the executives in Silicon Valley have taken), the Maharishi, along with many others in their inner circle - and what was happening in their life behind the screen was completely different from what got shown to the public and lots and lots of messes in the background...of course who really wants to hear or know this...that might be really upsetting for some to hear this...but others might be at the point where they appreciate hearing it. And this is not to say that these people aren't doing great work in the world and providing value...it is is just that it doesn't show the whole picture.

Here is a question - How on earth could anyone have the answers for everyone or anyone for that matter... don't people have their own answers and isn't it valuable for them to discover their own answers?

I say that being real and vulnerable is my secret weapon with clients. Why? Because being vulnerable creates a space for them to open up and be vulnerable as well...it is much harder to do with someone who has all the answers...I find my guard tends to be up when someone has all the answers..and I have heard this from others as well.

I found that the real magic happens for people not when I share some wisdom with them, but rather - when I just spend a lot of time listening they get heard...and we can start to examine if their thoughts and beliefs are real or Memorex / not true.

There was a study done by the University of Cincinnati tracking all the stuff a large group of people worried and feared about for many years (tracking all their concerns, doubts, fears, worries, etc).

What they discovered was 85% of all the things people spent all their time worrying about or fearing never came true and of the remaining 15%, 12% of those things they could handle way better than they could have imagined...thus...only 3% of all the things that drive us crazy, take up an extraordinary amount of time and energy, have us not sleep at night, take a huge toll on health and vitality...and that people organize a huge amount of their life protecting themselves from ever happening, never ever come true...think about that...only 3%...now imagine if you could examine and unravel the false beliefs and concerns - where they could then take that same time and start investing it going a completely different direction following their own wisdom and going towards more goodness and joyful pursuits...imagine what would become possible...

This is why I say that perhaps the real value of the coaching relationship is for someone to open up, talk and reveal more and more...and see beyond their limitations...

You can see this isn't a sales pitch (which tends to bring up people's guard) ...rather - it is an invitation for people to open up and start self examining more in a safe and non judgemental environment....