Awhile ago I watched the documentary, "Kumare" . . .which I highly recommend.

In the movie, a guy from New Jersey goes to Phoenix where no one knows him, creates the persona "Kumare" - a made-up Indian guru with a fake spiritual movement and practices and attracts a substantial following of people. He has two yogini girls booking events for him and a person filming the whole thing as well.

The people following him believe that he is doing it to them - that he is doing the "healing" or the "curing", and causing them to grow and expand. The guy playing Kumare keeps on saying "I'm the biggest fake I know. . .I'm doing absolutely nothing to you. . .you're doing it all yourself". . . and this was true. . .he wasn't doing the healing. . .the people were all doing their own work "inventing" the idea in their mind that he was doing it - but they were actually doing it themselves. All Kumare did was listen to them and love them in the film. . . he didn't do anything beyond that. . .

However, virtually none of his followers could "hear" him when he said this and they kept on believing that Kumare was doing everything / doing the healing to and for them.

It's a really fascinating piece showing that healing / curing is really just "self-healing" and "self-curing".

I think people approach coaches and consultants in the same way often with a part of them thinking that the coach or the curriculum of the coach will fix or solve their problem(s). So many coaches, personal development gurus, etc offer programs which have a specific curriculum, specific content with each session, modules. . .often with a really great marketing spin on it - "having value-added bonuses", private Facebook groups - etc etc. all really well marketed.

All good. . .and it seems like that's what many want and like. . .I was looking at a coach's website the other day. . .they had a list of all the modules and value added bonuses . . .which added up to $2900 value - all for $1499 which could be made in 4 easy payments. All good. . .if someone finds value in whatever they're looking at, I encourage them to go get it. .

In this scenario - the coachee believes the value of the program is in the content, the modules, the curriculum, private Facebook group, etc. The coach also believes they or the content are the things that are "doing it to the coachee" . . . versus the coachee doing it to themselves. . .

But maybe it's an illusory sort of thing and consider that something else completely different is going on and the REAL value is something quite different from the PERCEIVED value.

I've been saying this for years that the real value has way more to do with client getting themselves communicated - speaking and revealing the "unexamined" thoughts / beliefs that bounce around in their mind which drive them crazy, keep them up at night, sap their life energy, wreck their health, have them organizing their lives in such a way doing things to keep safe, keep themselves protected, making themselves wrong / beating themselves up, etc etc . . . Yet, the overwhelming vast majority of all this stuff is totally "unexamined" and just not true or accurate at all. . .a ton of studies have tracked all the things people worry about for decades and found that somewhere between 3-5% of all the stuff that torments people in their minds actually ever comes true. Consider that the real value is in seeing this stuff clearly, having one's feelings that come up around it, and having these considerations disappear - in turn - creating a cleaner slate to pursue one's aspirations, dreams and desires.

Yet, most try to operate over top of the unexamined stuff trying to cram more in the head. . .which often goes nowhere (but might give some temporary relief).

As a coach, I used to spend a ton of time, telling, teaching, delivering content, modules, trying to do some healing technique, etc. . .thinking that I was the one doing it to them. . .a big ego trip. My clients I attracted also thought I was the one doing it to them - which, of course, stokes the ego when they get results but feels horrible when they didn't get result because I was the one who failed to do it to them versus them taking responsibility and seeing they were doing the work themselves.

The reality is - when I was doing all the telling and teaching stuff, delivering content / modules / doing NLP stuff, healing stuff, etc. etc. (which is all good and certainly nothing wrong and no judgment - as the client may be wanting this and most likely thinking that that's where the value is). . .However - the fact was that I was not listening and/or giving space for someone to talk and just be heard, "feel" whatever stuff and having it go.

I've found time and time and time again, that it's when the client does the vast majority of the talking and revealing the contents of their mind - and what they say gets heard without having anything they say be fixed / changed / healed / cured etc. - where they have the opportunity to really examine and see if what they're thinking / believing actually holds water, and "feeling" whatever comes up - that that's when real magic happens.

This is not to say this is easy work. . .it can be some of the most challenging work there is to really examine one's life. . .it can be really confronting having to make changes if you don't like what you see - and much easier to go for a little "relief" while continuing to keep on doing the same thing over and over again.

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I say this / write about it and find people often have a momentary flash . . .an ah ha sort of moment.

The drift however, is to go back to the old way of seeing things (that healing is not self-healing and/or the coach is "doing it to" the coachee or the healer is "doing it to" the client / patient). . .and that's all good and nothing wrong with it.

The thing with seeing through an illusion however is that once you've seen through it, it's pretty hard to going back and doing things the old way. For instance, I found I can't really do the whole Tony Robbins marketing deal anymore when selling coaching. Somedays I wish I could but can't. . .although it's a relief not having to do the old marketing pitch at the same time.

To get really good at listening to people takes years I've found. . .but a critical part of the journey to realizing really over-the-top results with clients.