No matter what I do. It only gets worse.

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of realizing I’m gay. And the first time I ever had a panic attack. I hate that I figured it out. I wish I would have kept shoving it down and never went along with it.

My life has been terrible since then. And it’s all my fault. First it was panic attacks, then it was self harm, and suicidal thoughts. I can’t get away from them. I try and try. But I just can’t. All I want to do is make it stop.

I’ve hurt myself over and over again. I’ve almost tried to end it more than I’d like to think about.

I got groomed online recently and I think that made things worse. That was also my fault.

Everything I do, makes everything worse. Just like when I called a suicide hotline, then the cops came and told my parents, then my parents forced me to come out.

I’m only 15. But I’m so tired. I don’t think things can get better. I just want to disappear