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TW: mentions AFAB/AMAB terms(it seems the easiest way to communicate my feelings with just those terms) I'm very afraid of AMAB individuals. I know its 100% due to toxic cis men I respect pronouns, chosen names, and accept how ever they identify but I still find myself masking, feeling uncomfortable, or even going into a fight/flight/freeze/fawn response. I've kept it to myself because I was scared of being percieved as homophobic but as a person who's also in the LGBT community(AFAB) I wanted to voice my feelings too. I will eventually have the time and resources into go to therapy and talk this out with a professional but right now I dont and trying to make myself talk with AMAB folx is so scary and draining. I'd completely understand if I'm not allowed to post to this subreddit but I needed to vent somewhere😞 I dont have intentions to come off hateful but that might happen anyway and I apologize for that
I understand your feelings why… cause I am trans ftm afab. I put off for a while acknowledging that I was a guy because my definition of a guy was just these toxic cis men. I hated men. I didn’t want to be a man like that. I identified as non binary for a while and I remember saying “I can’t wait for someone to misgender me as he…” but I wouldn’t take that next leap cause I had drilled into my head societies version of a cis het white toxic man. I’m not that. I’m not cis, I’m not het, I am white but I’m not toxic. I am me and when you take a step back and find good men or AMAB people your definition of them will change. (I’m going to continue to use just man as an example) My whole definition of being a man and what is a man has changed a lot because of influencer like Mars Wright.
What I’m trying to say is that- please don’t be harsh on yourself, I understand that shitty feeling your feeling. One day it will kinda just click hopefully and you will find someone who is AMAB and feel comfortable. I think a positive start is by watching influencers like:
-Ve
Hopefully these help (: all of those links are to Instagram profiles I think are beneficial and all of their pronouns are there!
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