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Extremely offended by friends actions. Am I right to be upset?
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I am a FtM transman. I have been "out" for close to 10 years, but did not transition yet because I lived in a hostile household. I'm finally living with my husband and in a place where I can transition and be myself. I met a friend last year through a group of friends, and we got along fine. He got my a birthday present and was asking to drop it off this week. Then he drops this on me.

"Btw I didn't want to explain trans people to my parents so they think you're a girl, so you get pink wrapping paper."

I am just...really hurt. He doesn't have the right to push me back in the closet, to anyone. He doesn't get to decide my gender for me. I lived with transphobic parents for 24 years. I'm 28 this Friday and I haven't lived as a girl since I moved out at 24. I'm finally moving forward with T, my surgeries, everything, and he just decides that because it's too hard to explain, I have to be a girl in front of these people. Am I right to be angry? Is what he did ok?

EDIT:

Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions, they mean the world to me. I told my friend he does not have the right to negate my gender to make his parents more comfortable. I asked him if he'd be in danger for having a trans friend, and it was confirmed no, they're just transphobic and would give him shit for it. I decided that meeting his parents would not be best, but affirmed that if were going to be friends he has to respect my gender and what it means to me. He apologized, and I'm mulling over my options of what to do next. I think this is a case of his relationship with his parents, rather than me, and I'm trying to take myself out of the picture enough to respect that he has issues with his parents, and I just happened to be that guy that got stuck in the middle of it. I KNOW he didn't mean to offend me. I know he just wanted to keep peace, and I know he didn't understand the hurt behind what he did. If he were going to be physically or emotionally harmed by my coming out, then I don't think I'd pursue the relationship, for his safety and my comfort. I'm going to talk to him further and try to find a way where everyones comfortable, and if I can't, then I'll have to end the friendship.

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Posted
5 years ago