I made a post a few days ago where I talked about how I had the desire to be more "girly" and how I wanted to be seen as "one of the girls" despite the fact that I was pretty comfortable being a guy.

While I still think I'm pretty comfortable with it there was on comment on the post that stuck out to me.It basically asked that if I ever had kids would I project more as a dad or a mom.

I guess it got me to think a little bit about how I want others to see me and I've been sort of thinking that maybe I would prefer to be viewed as a sister or daughter as opposed to a brother or son.

I've been thinking I should probably test some things out but I'm way too scared to even start.I havent even tried on any clothes or anything yet which is the main thing I want to do.

I'm honestly just totally confused.If I'm being honest I've probably had the desires to be more "girly" for almost a year now but I've never looked into it too much or talked about it to anyone because I just assumed it would go away.I had a brief time where I tried out she/her pronouns for a bit but I dropped it because I just felt like I was pretending to be someone I actually wasnt.

My main worry is just "what if I try some things out and I actually like it?"."What if questioning brings me to an answer I dont want?".I cant imagine myself handling a change that big in my life.If I realize I may want to go all the way I couldnt bring myself to go up to my parents and basically say "hey,you know that son you thought you had?well they're a duaghter now and I'd like you to start calling me insert name here from now on",I'd feel so guilty.I'm just not strong enough for that

But at the same time I keep thinking about that comment and I'm starting to think that maybe I dont want to play the male role in relationships.

I feel like I'm thinking way too hard about all this and I'm not making any sense.I feel a bit trapped tbh.Even if I wanted to experiment I live in a house with 4 other people,someone would find out.I'd also just feel like I was deceiving everyone if my friends and family were all seeing me as a guy while I was secretly trying out other options