CW: anti-queer laws and people, bigotry, self hatred

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I hate being queer. I feel like I was just born with this curse to be trans and be bisexual. I feel like i’ve been put in an impossible situation and I just wish I was cis and straight so I wouldn’t have to deal with the repercussions of being queer. i’ve always felt this way, when I was young I would say to myself “i don’t want to be gay, that’s too much work”. I quickly learned that that’s just not how it works. I applaud everyone who is able to be out and open about their queerness, but sometimes i can’t help but feel envious. why do all these people get to have supportive parents, live in a country where it’s not punished by death and live out their lives with their queerness just being a normal part of it. I feel like i’ve been dealt the shittiest hand and told to just play. what am I supposed to do with this? Am I just meant to live in agony? It just sometimes feels like it would be easier if I could just be cis and straight. being gay is a choice my ass, I wish I had the options laid out for me