So, here I am. I don't really know what to write for this, a friend suggested I come out so I can be a little more confident about myself. So, I will start from the beginning. I'm a 21 year old closeted trans woman (born male). I tried to come out when I was 15 to my parents and to some of my friends but ass soon as I came out to them they all just turned their back to me and treated me like some evil/taboo yokai. My parents harassed me whenever I tried to cross-dress saying "get that shit off" or treating me like a human and acting really shitty towards me. Most of my friends weren't that different either. So, I decided to ultimately go back into the closet to try and preserve whatever relationship I had with my family and friends. That leads me to today. I hardly have anyone in my life now that cares about me and how I feel. I feel like I'm a failure to my parents for not being the man they wanted but I just cant go on in a limbo like this. I need to pass as a woman one day even if it is for a second before I die so I can finally feel happiness again. I don't know what I want to ask from this community but probably help. I've failed my life because I wasn't born in the right body and I dont know how to make things like they were before. My friend says I need to believe in myself but somedays I cant justify giving myself the privilege to be happy because I feel like I don't deserve it. I really want to cry on someone's shoulder at least while the last spreads of hope I had for being happy are ultimately going away and I don't know how to fix myself.