Hi everyone hope you’re all okay, so long story short my french donor pulled out last minute and we don’t know why so I had to have maintenance treatment until my new donor was available. Not going to lie I’m so scared as to what’s going to happen I’ve tried not to think about it but it’s crept up on me because I know everything will be happening Monday. Every one around me is so positive and they’re like ‘once your transplants over that’s it’ and I’m thinking if only it’s that simple. I’m scared of getting gvhd or any other serious side effects from radiotherapy etc. I feel so hopeless and lost I honestly wish I was never even born I didn’t ask for all this bullshit! People keep saying to me life is precious you’ve got to keep going but they don’t realise how shit everything is. After my sct I’ve been told I’ll have to be careful of the sun as it could seriously harm me. Anyway I just wanted to get this off my chest as I’ve been bottling it up for a while and don’t know who to talk to because they simply won’t understand, anyway stay safe and god bless guys!