I love you.

That’s it. That’s all I want to say.

If you were to ask me why though, as if I need to list all the fucking reasons, right now this is what triggered me to want to say it:

I feel full of love for you right now because once again, I’ve gotten another full day of your attention. You’ve been with me all day. Present with me. Meaningful and intentional. You’re here because you want to be here. Something feels…different this time. Having your time and attention feels different this time. It felt precious before, but it feels even MORE precious this time. It’s so shitty that I had to lose you to feel this feeling. To feel the difference in my love and gratitude for you. Today - you gave me so much of you again.

Through the morning bustle. Through the errands after ditching work. Through my excitement/dedication to making it through another screen on Celeste. For guiding me and reminding me to breathe. For challenging me. For feeding my wants and my needs. For giving me your time, attention, reassurance. For just. Being. With me. Alllllll the while you were at work. Then home doin your own thing. You still kept with me.

I had a shitty feeling haunting me all day. But more and more that feeling dimmed as your warmth and light began to take over and pull me out of it. I never asked you to. You just. Did. I haven’t told you any of just how bad things have been for me behind the scenes. Those are not your burdens to carry. Not your weight to feel. But. You just have this way of…making it all go away. It’s as if our time together makes everything else disappear for me. It makes life feel…doable. It makes me feel strong. It makes me feel - the BEST me. The me I lost without you, and had to claw my way back up through the depths of hell to find in your absence.

It’s why I know that even without you, I can be that me again. I’ve done it. You taught me the way back to me even when you left. Now that you’ve returned at a time I’ve also found my way back, you’re still teaching me. You’re still giving yourself to me. In allllll these little beautiful moments that you let me take up space in your life.

I’ve never had a person in my life who is quite like you, and I truly believe I never will again. I fucking hate that we are on a clock….I hate that what we have comes with an expiration date….but I don’t hate you. And this is all so fucking worth it to me.

I love you, spaghetti boi