Sunday sep 22 her cousin posted on her and snap and I saw both of them it looked like she was doing some kind of celebration and I saw my ex she looked a little different and her boobs look a bit bigger. Other than that I had a lot of anxiety and a big panic attack it felt like the first time I saw her post her new boyfriend on Facebook it felt devastating and destructive it made me really depressed and miserable and I couldn’t stop thinking about what could’ve been and how I haven’t changed much as a person or as Someone who tried to focus so much on improvement. I feel like I haven’t improved at all since the last time I saw her and I’m still just as useless and empty as I was before. I feel like life is one big lesson and sometimes I don’t know what it is I thought if I used my experience and knowledge from my last relationship and my need for improvement that I would be better in terms of life and relationships but that isn’t true at all and I don’t know what the fuck I’m even doing anymore.