Trigger Warning: Can be graphic and emotionally triggering

I'M WARNING YOU THAT IT WILL GET VERY SAD. SO TURN AWAY NOW.

I wish I can talk about my job, how a cute kitten stretched out for warmth when it needed it. How the family brought the kitten in needing help.

The adorable black kitten with grey eyes and the tiniest of squeaks. Any normal day, you would have been moving about the house being a menace, scurrying around flopping about, testing your limits and causing a ruckus with your siblings.

I hear you, screaming, not sure if from pain or confusion or both. We try to get emergency drugs in you and try to get your blood so we can test why you're so pale. Why your slightly bloated or full belly isn't nice and pink, why when you scream at us showing your needle teeth that your gums are white like a sheet of paper. We gave you an IV catheter that was heavier than your delicate arm and mighty claws with toe beans too fresh that they haven't seen dirt yet. They've probably been too busy making biscuits on mom's warm tummy while you try to nourish yourself and this torrent of the illness crawls through every hair fiber.

Being vampires, sucking every last droplet of blood from you, taking away your health and stealing any chance at a long life. Your owners tried to get rid of these tiny vampiric insects by giving you a bath, they was just too many of them. Some of them jumping off because you have minimal blood in you. You're blood cell volume came back, it's so low, not the lowest I've ever seen but definitely close to it. Now it makes sense why you were wet, your temperature was too cold to read.

I grab small warmie bags to help get you warm but the vet says to get the blow dryer to dry you off. You did the cutest thing that has and will stick with me forever. The reason why I still do this job even though it has it dark times. I flipped you over on your back you, you have been screaming and mewing in discontent this whole time. I start cooing you and reassuring you with praises. I start drying off your tummy and you reached out to the warmth, feeling the warm air go across your body as I flick the dryer back and forth, and you fell quiet. Your breathing slightly easier, your body relaxed now as if basking in the sun like a normal kitty. I keep doing this, seeing these insects fleaing away from the heat that is frying up their brains and bodies. We hunt and drown any that still remain on your body. I keep this blow dryer on you, making sure that every millimeter of your fur is dry and that you look as close to a normal kitten as possible. We cant get every single one as they are relentless.

"Keep the dryer on that kitten until it gets to normal body temp" the vet says. I move you over to a kennel where I stay with you, being diligent. Your screaming resumes, you seem uncomfortable again trying to wiggle away from the blow dryer. You let out one last scream and flip like a pancake. I yell, "What are you doing kitten?!" The vet rushes over, your still breathing, you still have a pulse. "Keep going, she probably isn't liking the heat now." I continue to blow dry you, your beathing is slower, you can't keep your head up. You're not responding to me. "Kitten stopped breathing!! Help the kitten stopped breathing!" Get it over to the table and start doing chest compressions with my index finger and thumb, we hook you up to an ECG monitor, you're taking very shallow breaths again. We just got some results back that said you were FeLV positive. We give you emergency drugs again, we get your heartbeat back. We can see it beat from your chest but it doesn't sound right. The vet says the family wants to say good bye, we take all equipment off.

Your owners can't afford to end your suffering and decide to let you go on your own. They say their goodbyes and leave. I watch slowly as your heart beat flutters away on the ultrasound screen.

Everyone talking about how I cared for you and how adorable you were.

No one understands my job. All of this happens within 20mins, it takes me longer to type this story. I love my job, not because of the outcome like most people search for in their every day lives. Always needing closure, always needing a reason why, always wanting to see the bright side of things. Sometimes, there is no reason, things just happen. I love my job because I was there to help, and I am always there to help. To give some sort of comfort and this job gives me insight all the time. Enjoy the little things, even if it's warmth from a blow dryer and you feel at peace.