I miss you and you know this. I miss you every time I'm away from you I think of you probably every minute of the day at some point just about. Now I may be stretching it a little bit there but for sure every hour you coming to my mind. The biggest thing right now is just the uncertainty of what the future holds.

I know that if the good Lord wanted us together we would be together if both of our hearts desired that we should be together right now we would be. But the pain that I caused and when you left me on March the 7th made it to where we're apart right now.

I don't know if you want to be with me work things out with me just be friends. Whatever role you desire for me to be. I will do my best if I feel that role.

You are a once in a lifetime love and I'm always going to love you and I don't know if I can start over with anybody. I truly want you to be happy the anger that I had at one time thinking you may be with someone else has gone. If you so choose to be with someone else, I'm happy for you.

This has been a nightmare and a blessing at times. I'm always going to lay down tonight in our bed and reach for you and think you're there. I love laying up against you smelling your hair holding you around your midsection and I love placing my hand on that bone on your hip you know you know that spot. I loved it when you would come home from work and every now and then we have these super super long hugs. I've never in my life felt hugs like that before and then we would kiss at the end of it. It was just sigh like a breath of relief.

We would sigh that breath of relief, because both of us were where we wanted to be and that was with each other. A part of me is gone because you were a part of me because when we got married the good Lord made us one. I am the reason that we're not anymore in your mind. In my mind I was already trying to feel something that I wasn't getting from you anymore. And it's nobody's fault but my own that you felt the way you did.

So yes I'm going to play my role that'll play so well, the role of the scapegoat. I've always been a scapegoat because I'm an easy target because either I keep my head down do my job and be loyal to the end. Or I screw up so bad that I just take the blame for stuff and I'm an easy target.

I just want you to know that no matter what, how this relationship ends, or where we end up I will always love you like I've never loved anyone before. You were the first that made me want to give you everything I could financially spiritually physically romantically mentally you name it everything that was mine was yours. Everything that I was made of is yours and always will be...

I love you and each night that goes by reinforces that I love you. I know you love me too and you gave me, at 40 years old, the most beautiful little baby girl that I've ever seen. She's like her mama and her daddy. She's so wild and free and doesn't conform and seize interesting ideas and everything she's so inquisitive and so smart and she has the best sisters and brothers in this entire world.