Dear soph

When I look back we had it all. We supported one another, we would take turns in cooking and tidying. We had our own house, finally! Plus the 2 fur babies. So why ? Why did you blow it all away, I gave you all I could, we build this sand house together. All that's left now is the last grain of sand floating through the desert.

I am that grain of sand, the last bit of me that was clinging on is no longer. Why? Becasue why should one fight for someone who doesn't want to fight back? Considering it wasn't my fuck up either I still begged. How silly of me to beg. All I wanted was for us to build eachother again, grain by grain. That'll never happen though. The love that came from your voice turned cold. It would send shivers down my spine. The sparkles in your eyes turned black. Towards the end you couldn't even look me in the eye. You'd just avoid me. I was just a sad little lonely boy waiting for his person to nurture him.

Don't you think its crazy, before you I was happy to be alone. I was content within my own sandbox. However now I can't stand of thought of just me in this sandbox. Maybe, it's not that I don't like to be alone; it's more the fact that I preferred having you in it too. I don't understand my thoughts anymore. They say heartbreak can make you go crazy, I'm starting to believe it.

Expressing myself through these is the only way I can get my thoughts out though. It's my way of healing. I bet you regret teaching me how to express my emotions as it's all I seem to do now.

I am sorry that to be able to build myself back grain my grain, I must see you in a bad light. Not because I hate you, but becasue I will never be able to let go if I see you as my light. You turned the lights off; it's time for me to turn it on myself. I will be my own light.

I would've travelled across the Sahara Desert in search of every grain. Your grains, to rebuild you/us back up.Instead I will do this for myself. However you wouldn't go through the hassle. It's easier to walk away than to face your consequences and dears. That's when i saw that there was no longer love in your tone. Nor was there love within your eyes, the sparkles had gone.

I want you to look at me by the end of this year and think "fk, I fkd up". Watch me as I become the best version of myself! I don't need your sand, I have my own. I always have! I will build a better sculpture of myself. Not only that I will build my own home too.

I mentioned i was writing these letter and putting them on here. I waste too much time scrolling through reddit hoping you'd give me a sign. I know that'll never happen. This is why I leave this last letter. I will be leaving reddit, time to focus on what's important!

I really am sorry it didn't work. I am also so thankful for all you taught me. I will never forget.

To think I was going to start looking at rings after my holiday, you'll never know.

With pain in my chest and tears in my eye's I say my goodbye.

M.R