I keep seeing reminders of you. Empty beer cans and vodka mikis. It takes me back to when we first started seeing each other. I was never much of a drinker, but you insisted we get something to drink. It’s Social for me anyway. Tequila is too expensive so we go for the vodka and a couple of doobies from the local cannabis store. Not realizing what kind of addictive lifestyle I was signing up to be in.

I was surprised on how much you could drink, finishing off the bottle with me getting a good few sips in. I couldn’t see the demons hinding behind your bright blue eyes and charming smile, I thought it was just a fun night.

Fun nights turned into late night arguments while I try to cry myself to sleep as you blast your music. I would beg you to turn it down, but the alcohol changed you. Your eyes would turn angry, I felt like I was doing something wrong. Why wasn’t our relationship enough for you to really want to get it together? Why did you promise me you’d get better?

Sometimes I don’t know why you kept me around for so long. Maybe you really did love me, because I had to have caused you a lot of grief from trying to convince you to choose me and a happy life together.

Maybe I pushed it at times, I was harder on you than I should have been. But you have to understand how confusing it was for me. I was young and naïve, and I just wanted to be in love.

I see you in every beer can and empty miki, and every bus stop, all your typical drinking areas where you’d call me to come help get you home.

I loved you so much, and I wish our relationship wasn’t so tainted. I wanna talk to you again, and sometimes I hope I’ll see you on my walk home, but for the most part I don’t. I don’t know what I would say to you.

You cheated on me through drunk affairs, and I have a feeling you don’t love her the way you did me. You are a cycle that’s been completed, and I just hope one day you find it in you to complete yours.

I still believe in you, and I hope to see you better one day.