I have no idea what your deal is. But like i might actually like you. I don't know. Maybe thats why i drunk texted you at like 2 ish in the morning. But the other thing is that would be bad. Bad. I always get abandoned. I always get hurt. I dont want to get hurt by you. Thats not something id enjoy. I mean this makes total sense to me because everyone saw this one coming a mile away to be bluntly honest with you. They knew the second things fell with sean i would go for you. But ya know. Im just not going to say anything unless you say anything first. If you say something thats something then. But if you dont say anything then i cant say anything. Okay? That is just how this is gunna go and be. I cant say your the most person like me that i have ever met. We have way to much in common. Too many synchronicities. I keep seeing your name fucking everywhere lately. I changed my coach btw. His name. Same fucking name as you. So this is just.... weird i guess for me. I don't know. I think part of it is because my life is falling apart and i dont really know who to turn to right now. I was so mentally together and healthy. I am none of those things. But apart of me knows if i did end up with you i would be safe because id be able to get healthy. Who knows. Maybe actually being loved. Actually being monogamous and in a one on one relationship again. Actively having sex. Having a family with someone. Those things might make me really healthy and change completely. But you could fix me. You know how to fix me. I think you knew when we met i was the way i am to be bluntly honest. I never had to hid anything from you. But the more i look at my love list. The more i realize unfortunately i am describing you. So idk. Maybe if you want my attention ask me to go on a mission trip with you somewhere as a friend or something because i wouldnt say no to a vacation. I badly need a fucking break and a win. I have had way to many losses this time around. So. I mean. You wanna ask me on a mission trip. Ill go. Ill save the money at some point this year and we will go on a mission trip. Who the fuck knows. Maybe some good will come spiritually too from it. Maybe i could use something like that. Im just throwing ideas out to the wind, to the gods. To god. So maybe he can take a hint or two. This is so bad. But how could something so bad feel so good. We have such an intense connection. I could talk to you for hours. Ive thought about asking you to be on my fucking podcast so many goddamn times. I know you would say yes. I just have to grow a pair of balls. I just dont really know what to do. I mean. Everyone in my life just wants to secretly fuck me once they get to know me. I am really, really actually used to it by now. I mean. Have we met before? I fuck girl. I fuck things. I have a great sexual life obviously as you can see. I am ignoring messages from dudes right now. Something just is telling me that its in gods hands. God knows what to do with this connection. So i am going to leave it to god. IF you are meant to be for me, then we will be. Because if god created you as my perfect equal. Then we are meant. And that means someday we might get married. And wouldnt that be a perfect love story actually. We both are very, very. . . . . Similar minided similar goals people. I think maybe your just really shy and you dont want me to get attached so you dont text me. But like. My messages are open. You can always talk to me. I am also a friend. I mean. Everything that exists exists for a reason. I think that every connection comes into our lives for a reason. There has to be a reason for this one. Either we are actual twin flames, or we are soulmates. Either way this is a very high intense level connection that even i can admit to. I mean everyone has seen this one coming. My mother was even surprised we talk so much. She was kinda pissed about it to be honest. But i was like its fine. I enjoy talking. I just. I never tell you about my life because what if you somehow manage to put two and two together and figure this all out? Ya know. I mean. Its in gods hands now. So. If he wants to bring you into my life like that. That would bring me joy. So i am just saying. I wouldnt not be down with that. We have never ever talked about this. I never ever intend to send this letter. But like. If gods like these two should be together, and we end up somehow tangled up in everything. Then fine. So be it. I wouldnt be mad. Thats all im saying. Its up to god now. Im leaving it to him and surrendering this connection. Fuck it. Whatever will be will be. If you are him though this would make a lot of sense why i have been attracted to who i have been attracted to in the past. A lot a lot of sense. To be bluntly honest with you. If you see this letter by absolute chance. I am super super sorry about this letter. I really cant help myself. Can you blame me? I mean have you seen you in a mirror? I mean. Damn. Anyways. Have a good night. Sorry i drunk texted you Sponge. It was an error on drunken mistakes. Im still a little drunk. Anyways. Enjoy that wherever your going this week. I have no idea what you said you would be doing. It changes every other week your a busy guy. Anyways. Thank you. For showing me kindness and compassion. And understanding me.