I am not the girl you bring home to your mother.

I am chaos injecting adrenaline into your blood stream.

I am the girl who runs wildly into the night wishing, hoping, dreaming about love, but then turns feral and enraged before anyone gets too close because I’ve been wounded.

I cannot be tamed. Many have tried. They could not keep me.

I am the girl who drinks, swears and is way too loud in quiet spaces.

I bite back, I don’t like to lose, and I pretend I’m a main character in a tv series; even though I’m an episode away from death and being kicked off the show itself.

I’m alluring, intelligent and have a wicked dark sense of humor. I laugh too hard at my own jokes. I have the god complex of Zeus but my self loathing tendencies seep through my pores like gasoline. It’s potent and I like to play with fire. You can see how that’d be a little dangerous for pretty much everyone involved. That’s neither here nor there.

I’m the girl who loves deeply, so intensely, so outspoken that I will write stories, I will be proud, I will brag about you and your character to all of my friends. You’ll be a stand up guy— for now. Then you’ll begin to wonder; why is she’s acting strange? She seems distracted and distant. She’s late all the time, she can’t hold down a job, she’s lost weight, she sleeps in till noon but holy fuck she’s good in bed. It’s because I think it’ll make you stay. I equate it to love.

I don’t care what anyone says. The most powerful drug on the planet is sex. I’m an addict. Feeling wanted and being loved. I’ve seen people lose their minds over it. I’ve lost my mind over it several times. All I know is for the next however long you’re inside me, I am not even on this planet. I don’t have to exist.

It only works for so long.

The scars on my body will hurt you to look at. The pain I feel, you will feel. I hate that you do. I do not mean harm, but because I do not love myself at times it will affect you. I’ve seen it happen time and time again. I will have new ones. Relapses, in several ways. I hate that the absolute fucking most. I hide it the best I can. It doesn’t take long until I start to unravel.

I am a liability to normal civilian life, a professional degenerate living life in survival mode since I was a child and I breathe steady in hostile situations.

I’m a constant work in progress. I might as well have construction tape wrapped around my entire body because I have never fully healed, don’t worry— I’m working on it.

I’m the girl that your friends will love because I can take a joke. I dish sarcasm, I’m sassy, and I’m confident in my words. I like to provoke.

I don’t get jealous of your female friends. I’m a girls girl, but I’m not a fucking idiot either. I will leave without saying a word. I will not tolerate disrespect— not any longer. Yeah I know, it’s a bummer for me too.

When I serve up immediate revenge because honestly, karma takes too long and I am not waiting around. You thought you got away with it? you didn’t. I will never beg you, I will not chase you. I will act like I never even knew you. I will rip you out of my soul and carry the fuck on. You will mean nothing to me. My heart has been hardened and for that I am sorry. Blood runs thick throughout my veins with betrayal.

I’m a good woman though don’t get me wrong. I actually tame myself more than usual when I’m in love. I will fall in love with you by the waters and read you my favorite poems. I’ll trace your hands in mine and you will be the only one I see. We’ll go dancing, we’ll scream out our favorite lyrics in the car, and talk about a beautiful future together where we grow and thrive in all the ways that matter. Compromise, give and take. We both put in 100%. We will try new things and I cannot wait for you to see me in a dress. I’ll make you food while singing and dancing in the kitchen with a bottle of wine.

I have high expectations for this to work, but I will never let anyone lead me away from my goals ever again.

I love learning, I pride myself on being educated and having high emotional intelligence. I dream heavily, I don’t have realistic aspirations but I’ll be damned if I ever give up. I refuse to give up. I am hard headed in that way.

I’m a lover girl. I crave being soft. I crave intimacy on a level that’s only ever written by the most romantic poets. I will love you will everything I have— and then some.

I am not the girl you bring home to your mother.

I am just an experience.