09:47 Sunday, 12 June 2022

The air is getting murkier. The noises around numbing the senses, repeating pattern into the insanity. Unpleasant cold soup at 2 AM, the tasteless nutrients to fuel me through the harsh lands. I've taken my serum, my mental state is in the tip of the blade. Another little push, definitely going to make a mess of me. So long farewell people, if that's the case. Might need more frequent shot of the heavenly numbing serum. Cut off my neurons, the temporary lobotomy.

Very vague, very confusing. Such is life in this world.

I'm here, eyes closed. My musket aside, black powder and lead. Shooting through the vast fog of uncertainty. No expectations, no believe, as to not feel the pain of the eternal awaiting. Some say to lock yourself until you know what you want. I'd say a madman I'll be, for the loneliness slowly devouring my limbs.

So tell me, empty void of darkness.. what should I do?

All these leisure, all these galleries of arts, yet none to visit, yet none to discover. God has abandoned me long time ago, when I decided to be myself. A curse to beheld for eternity. Being blind, undesired. Even the hellfolks has kicked me away, as I am too human to stay. Nothing but purgatory, a place of confusion. Awaken by nothing but the sound of broken down fan. Cold pierce through my skin, my mind. Tear glands exhausted from the frequent use.

Is my lead has hit anything yet? Will I ever hear feedback? Or will it be another await in the darkness?

I only have so much lead and black powder. Have to leave some for myself. The time of desperation will come, and better be prepared for such a disaster.