Hello, Both my 11 and 16 year old sons are in an extracurricular activity. We are in Alberta. My oldest has been in it for 5 years already and he loves it. Like it’s his raison d’être. He tried out for a more advanced group this year and got in. He’s also diagnosed autistic and adhd.

It is quite a time commitment but I don’t mind since he is so in love and committed. However, his father sent me a message saying that he “does not consent” to him rejoining next year since he was not happy with 2 of his grades. He wants a “full grade 12 and post secondary plan” drafted for his approval to even consider giving his consent.

Now, his father is very heavy on the narcissistic tendencies but also largely believes the things my son struggles with due to his neurodivergence are a direct result of laziness. Like, he believes if my son just cared more his grades in those 2 subjects would be amazing. In mediation I brought up the subject of this activity as his father was saying he would decide every year if he could participate. The mediator and lawyers, I thought, clearly stated that an extracurricular activity, especially one already in place, is supported by family court.

Not to mention that thinking he can control my son’s post secondary plan even though he will be a legal adult seems insane to me.

I replied that I wasn’t in agreement, that harsh punishment and taking away the one thing our son loves is not going to get results, that we can’t force post secondary, and that this is not how we support neurodivergence. He replied that he’s “not mature enough” to be considered an adult even if he turns 18, then dug his heels in more.

I do have a lawyer and have given her a heads up, but would like some advice that doesn’t involve her very high hourly fee. Mainly:

• from a legal perspective, can a parent just decide to withdraw consent from an established extracurricular activity for any reason they want?

• from a legal perspective, can my son choose to stay with me if his father is not being supportive of his needs? (Right now we are 50/50). If so, how can I tell him that without it looking like coercion/parental alienation?