Good morning reddit, I'll try to explain this the best way I can, but I'm hoping to get some good advice on how to best work with the situation. Just thinking about the whole situation is elevating my blood pressure but I'll lay out the back story the best I can.

My grandma (mema) lives next door and we share a back yard. She lives alone as she's a widow since the 60s but raised 2 daughters by her self. Both daughters adopted as babies and about 10-11 years apart. My mom is the younger of the two. When I was 5 my mom and my dad moved us to the house next door to mema, which used to be her MILs house, so my great grandma. My mom house lived in the house ever since.

About 8 years ago after college I moved back home to help my mom who was struggling a bit because the job she was at was not paying her enough. A few years later I met my now wife, and from a financial stand point because of all the student loan debt we have, it made since to continue living in the house with my mom. May 2017 comes around and my wife and I have a baby. Woohoo everyone's excited, my mom is a first time grandma, my mema is a first time great grandma and she loves spending time with the baby.

Fast forward a couple years to mid/late 2019. Mema is turning 86. She just sold her second home which was lake has because it was getting expensive paying for 2 homes on retirement money. I lived with my mema every summer of my life in her lake house until I was 18, so losing that house was hard. But this same year her doctor asked her to go ahead and stop driving. Her doctor at this time had also prescribed her about 4 different medicines and a few daily vitamins to day twice a day. Since we all lived next door at least one of us would be over at memas house everyday but we noticed she was getting confused with all the pills. I offered to take over in just getting them organized each week in her pillbox container to make it easier. This worked great until about when the pandemic started and everything went into lock down.

We noticed after about a month into lock down, roughly February/March she started to miss either her morning medicine or night medicine when we would be over to visit. This is where my family and mema decided one of us would just make it a habit to come over every morning before we left for work to make sure she got her morning meds, if someone didn't make it over in the morning I would visit when I was home on my lunch break and about 5/7 days of the week as soon as week got home from daycare my son was running over to memas to play.

This worked great, she wasn't missing any of her doses any more and enjoyed our company. It's worth noting now that she still takes a shower daily, can use the restroom on her own, can make herself simple foods, sandwiches, frozen dinners, etc. About 4 weeks ago my mom and myself went to her house to discuss updating her will, because mema wanted to make sure I would be able to have her house after passing to keep it in the family. She specifically stated that her other daughter, my aunt, already had a house and did not need to have another, although my mema suspected my aunt thought otherwise. Now she had come to visit on occasion during this year maybe a couple times a month when she would take my grandma to doctors visits or get haircuts when those started again but visits were not very frequent. Until the week the started having a lawyer draft up my memas new will. Which is still being processed as of writing this.

This is when my aunt started showing up every morning about 9 and staying until 1 or 2pm. My family and I choose not to interact with my aunt and haven't since a falling out when she found jesus a few years back and wanted to tell everyone what we were doing wrong. So this occasionally put a wrinkle in my morning visits because I choose not to interact with my aunt, but I can look out the back door and see if she's over there and at least I know she's getting my mema her meds. So our family has only lately been going over in the evenings to avoid my aunt. When we asked my grandma what that all my aunt was doing she told us she was going thru old things in her room and taking stuff back to her house, and explicitly told us she didn't want her over there all the time like that.

Well one day about 2 weeks ago I went over on my lunch because it didn't look like my aunt was there. Well she was and this is when she confronted me about where memas check book was. I asked what she needed it for (mema wanted mom to keep it because my aunt had a tendency of buying things for my grandma and then writing herself a check to get paid back.) I told her I wasn't sure but why did she need it. At this point she was trying to keep it a secret as she took me outside away from mema and told me that she had hired the neighbor to come over and stay with mema from 9-1 everyday. I said why would you spend memas money on something that is not needed because we have been taking care of her every day until you started come over. I just walked away and got ready to go back to work. That evening when I got home I told my grandma what LeeAnn was tryin to do and she was discussed. This was never discussed between them and my aunt was planning on spending $300/week of memas money. My grandma was livid. That same evening my family worked out a detailed plan of how we would make sure we are supporting mema and who would be able to come over in the mornings, afternoon, and evening. So the following day I was off work and when my aunt showed up at my grandma's I walked over and asked her to let mema know what she was planning. She got visibly agitated that I was trying to bring it up and I said I've already told mema your plan and she doesnt want this random neighbor coming over everyday to baby sit her but here's the plan we worked out so you don't have to spend memas money on something she doesn't want. My aunt was furious and we got into a bit of a yelling match about how SHE wants to make the decisions on what happens with her mom and I just need to leave. To which I responded why don't you try asking mema what she wants versus trying to tell her and control everything she does. I left the situation because I didn't want to create any more drama for my mema that morning and told her I'd come back later when my aunt was gone. When talking to my mema later I apologized for creating a ruckus but she said she was not worried and she appreciated what I said and how I stood up for her against my aunt.

We knew at this point my mema was really starting to get annoyed by my aunt being around all the time trying to tell her what to do, trying to control everything and just being a nuisance to everyone but she was afraid to stand up to her alone. She asked me to come over yesterday morning to be there as a 3rd party while she told my aunt a few things. Which were she didn't want her showing up every day anymore because she did not want to be taken care of like she was with my aunt. She also told her that she only wanted my mom or myself taking her to the doctors because she didn't trust the info my aunt may be telling them, trying to speak for her. I did film the whole conversation and only my grandma and myself were aware. My aunt tried to claim that mema did need help and that she was taking care of it. After my grandma said her piece I asked if she needed me for anything else and she said no so I left for work. Well after my aunt's remainder of her visit, which she left about 1pm she apparently went to the court house and filled for an emergency hearing claiming my grandma is disabled and unfit to take care of her self, and I'm assuming she's trying to get POA. I should also mention last week she called Adult protective services on my mom claiming she "stole" $10K from my grandma. This is false as my my grandma offered to loan the money to my mom to help her with a car. My mom and grandma are both on her savings account, and all three people are on the checking account. So last evening as my mom stated to me, my aunt parked on the street and then came knocking on the door waiving a white envelope. My mom said she tried to open the glass storm door to which my mom pulled back close on her and told her she needed to back on up. At this point my aunt tossed the envelope on the porch and left.

In the envelope was a court date for my grandma for the emergency hearing, which is this coming Wednesday.

Sorry this is so long but at this point we're not sure what to say or do to not make things worse but to also make sure my grandma doesn't end up in the hands of my aunt, who we know wants to put my grandma in a nursing home. My grandma has told us repeatedly that she doesn't want that because of what she saw with her mom and gma being in nursing homes.

I'm honestly a little worried that all the stress that my grandma is having to deal with is gonna cause her to say or do something wrong and then she will be taken from us. Any advice is very much appreciated. Thanks for reading.

TL:DR My aunt wants control over my grandma and her estate, my grandma doesn't want that, she would prefer my mom be her power of attorney, now my aunt has filed for an emergency hearing for disability next week.