I’ve (23 F/Maryland) recently found myself in a situation where I needed to find a new place to live. My friends grandmother has kindly offered the mother in law suite attached to her house. Now, she is a raging alcoholic. Has been for 20 years since her husband died, but she has taken a turn for the worse in the past couple years. Constant falls. She doesn’t move from the couch. She wets herself. Even when sober, she is physically incapable of moving herself to go to the bathroom. Because she is allowing me to stay with her, I now feel the need to provide her the care and help she needs - I have picked her up off the floor twice. Made her every dinner and provided lunches. Helped her get up to go to the bathroom and get back to the couch. I have also been caring for her extremely anxious dog, which comes with its own set of difficulties.

My friends parents have said they’ve spoken with a lawyer about declaring incompetence, but the thing is, she is 100% there when she is sober. She is just only sober 10% of the time though. And even when she is sober, she is still physically incapable of lifting her own weight. Her knees cannot support her body.

The family provided a caretaker one day a week, but she was recently exposed to Covid, so she’s no longer coming in. Since then, they’ve not done anything to find another source of help. It’s extremely difficult for me as a student, and someone with two jobs, and their own dog, to take care of an elderly person. I am not trained and I am not being compensated, but I feel like it’s my responsibility now.

Is this classified as elder abuse/neglect? I have no clue how she is able to do things without me there to help her. It’s been not even a week, and though she is giving me a safe place to stay, I feel uncomfortable taking this responsibility under my belt.

They cannot force anything upon her (care/help/nursing home) because she is still legally competent... but I don’t think she should be.

Please help! I am living with her in order to get back on my feet, but that is not possible if I am stressed/concerned/worried about having to care for her 24/7.