My ex and I were never married; she never wanted kids, and I did. She is overweight, and claims she didn't know she was pregnant until going into labor. Despite being 21 and in school when my daughter was born, I stepped up. Obviously the relationship didn't work out, but it leveled off and for a while we worked well together for the kids benefit.

Fast forward 3 1/2 years, I'm now married to the most wonderful woman I have ever met. She is the most amazing step mother to our daughter, and is supportive of me working two jobs to support us. I had to take my ex to court because she refused to allow me to see our girl for 3 months, but didn't have a lawyer the first go and got shafted with 22% custody (Basically, she's with me most weekends from Friday to Sunday, and a 3 hour visit every Wednesday).

Since then, I have gotten a lawyer and we have been back to court 3 other times, and we are filing for a 4th this week. The reason for this is she refuses to work with me, and has since had a paternity test done (without my consent) to prove that I am not her biological father. She routinely denies me things that are written into our court order, refuses visitation when my wife goes to pick her up, and disparages my family to or in front of the kid. Our daughter has told me many many times how my wife is her "nice mommy" and she has started pulling her hair from anxiety when her mom comes to pick her up on Sunday. She has also been sent to the principles office 4 times in just over a month of kindergarten for pushing, hitting, and scratching other kids. Obviously I'm worried that her mothers animosity towards us (and most people, generally) is affecting our daughters psychological state.

In addition to being sent to the office, the teacher is having her sit with the school psychologist to work out her anger and to stop and think before acting.

The court system is slow. My lawyer and I are asking for primary custody, and potentially getting minors counsel involved for an investigation into what's best for the child. Now as scary as leaving this up to the courts discretion is, I'm excited to have someone advocating for the kids best interest (I feel like I am, but I'm biased).

My question is how can I help my daughter with her issues, having the limited visitation that I do? Her mother refuses to communicate with me about her issues, and has lied about her behavior in the past, leading me to believe that she is not misbehaving. I'm so scared for that little girl, but I don't know what I can do for her from such a distance...

I am in Southern California, Los Angeles county